Nurturing our inner garden

“If we scattered a flower
on the path of our fellow human beings every day,
the streets of the earth
would be strewn with joy”

I like this first piece of wisdom from my thrift store calendar. But five years ago, I would have thought differently. Back then, my first thought would have been that I don't have any flowers to scatter, no matter how much I would like to. Because where do you find light when it's pitch dark inside you? I was suicidal and at the end of my rope. I was convinced that there was nothing left to get out of life, and then a calendar like this suddenly talks about “scattering flowers on the path of our fellow human beings”? There was nothing to scatter.

That changed when I joined a Twelve Step fellowship, where the power of gratitude was hammered home again and again. I no longer had the strength to live, but still I had to be grateful? How? And why? Well, because whatever I focus on grows bigger. The more I focus on all the bad in me and in the world, the bigger it gets. The more I focus on what is already good, the bigger that becomes.

At first, I thought it was artificial... If I feel bad, why pretend that life is good? Well, because it helps to make life better, to see the beauty in it. And so I was advised to formulate at least five things I am grateful for every day. Five?! Where would I find those? Life is difficult and dark, how could I come up with five? And so my sponsor advised me to formulate forty things I am grateful for. Yes, forty! I couldn't think of five, and suddenly I had to list forty?! She gave me the golden tip to be grateful for the smallest things and to say them out loud every day. Man, that was a challenge. But I trained myself, and today it's a piece of cake to come up with forty things to be grateful for. For today, that might look something like this:

Today I am grateful for

the heating in my apartment, the candles that are lit and make it cozy here, my laptop that allows me to type this, my own crocheted blanket that is now covering my legs, the comfortable chair I am sitting in, and the footstool under my feet;

the food on my plate, the kitchen where I could prepare it, and the cutlery with which I could cut it, that I have teeth to chew the food and a body that works well to digest it;

the snow that fell this morning and the hiking boots I have, which allowed me to safely take a beautiful winter walk in the still-falling snow;

the messages and photos I received from my sister today showing that my niece had had a very nice birthday party with her friends;

the yoga exercises I was able to do this afternoon with a YouTube video, and the yoga mat on which I was able to do them;

the warm shower I took, and my soft bright yellow towels;

the embroidery I finished earlier today, the fact that I still had embroidery hoops and fabric lying around so I could start a new project right away, and that Pinterest provides me with free embroidery patterns that are also really nice;

that my mom sent me photos earlier of her day of shopping with her granddaughter (my dear niece!);

the book from the library that I'm reading and that is thoroughly shaking up my view of winter;

my plants;

the scarf I'm crocheting;

the meditation I did this afternoon;

the sun that shone into my apartment this afternoon, making it annoyingly warm, even though it was just below freezing outside;

etc., etc.

By doing this every day, for years, I have come to see my life through different eyes. Sometimes it's so easy to sink into ‘life hurts and is a struggle’, but I have learned that it is my choice where I focus my magnifying glass on. That doesn't mean that life suddenly stops hurting, because it often does. I don't want to deny that reality. Sometimes my life hurts a lot too, but even on those days there are good things to discover. And the light that shines within me as I formulate my gratitude makes the darkness just a little less dark. It's like lighting a tea light in a dark room. It's tiny, but it makes a world of difference. Blow it out, and you'll immediately see what I mean. That's how it is for me with gratitude. When I stop looking for things to be grateful for and naming them, it gets darker and darker inside me. And then life becomes difficult. But as long as I keep doing it, something very beautiful and fruitful grows inside me. A spiritual power, a love, a joy that I find difficult to keep to myself. Something to pass on to others.

“If we scattered a flower on the path of our fellow human beings every day, the streets of the earth would be strewn with joy”... How much more beautiful would the world be if we named the good things out loud every day, if we allowed the power and love that this awakens within us, and if we shared that spiritual power with the people around us?

I don't believe it is within anyone's power to change the world, but I do believe that the world would be a much better place if we all scattered one flower on the path of our fellow human beings every day. One smile, one gesture of love, one sincere compliment. But because we cannot give what we do not possess, it is important to first nurture and cultivate our inner garden and give it time to grow. And gratitude is a wonderful tool for that.

Nathalie