Against the tide

“Everyone takes on the color of their surroundings”

I believe there is a lot of truth in this quote. The people I surround myself with and the impulses I allow influence me more than I often think.

It is tempting for me to think “I'm doing well now,” because didn't I say goodbye to certain people and environments years ago? The time I spent in bars and other dark places is already several years behind me. Thank God, because it was hell on earth. The influence of these places and people—and also my influence on them!—could not be underestimated. When I hit rock bottom and chose sobriety and recovery, I knew I had to leave that environment behind. New places, new friends. I was lucky that this happened at the beginning of the Covid pandemic, which broke everything down fairly naturally. Once the lockdowns were over, I was so used to my life of online Twelve Step meetings and sobriety that I felt no temptation to return to those places. However, I did notice that I needed a new environment, a new community. That's why I started going to church and participating in community days organized by the local church community. That was much better than the dark world I had previously inhabited, but—as I now see—still not ideal. For me, religion can sometimes be too dogmatic, too legalistic. I naturally adopted the beliefs of the other believers there and did what they seemed to do because “that's what you're supposed to do,” such as saying certain prayers every day or attending services on fixed days. I am convinced that this works very well for some people, but for me it did not. I had to break away from that in order to find my own way. That way, which is personal for me and not based on ‘musts’, seems to work well for me. Don't get me wrong, I am still a devout Christian. The love I feel from and for God, and the surrender I try to place in Him every day, is enormous. It is His love that makes me whole and ultimately allows me to discover my true self. It was just the religious, the dogmatic, that I had to break away from. Today, I feel love and flow in my faith life, and for me, that's what matters.

But the quote goes much further than that.

I haven't been on social media for over five years now: no Facebook, no Instagram. The TikTok craze is something that came later, so I completely missed that boat (which I'm very happy about!). I haven't had a TV for just as long, because I prefer reading books to watching TV. But when I was recovering, I also decided to stop following the news. I realized how much extra anxiety all those news reports caused me, and that they simply did not help me to lead a sober and serene life. Someone told me that what I need to hear will reach me, and that turned out to be true. I know all the major news stories I need to know about because people around me talk about them. And that's enough.

That's why, when I open the Google app to look something up, I usually try to ignore the Discover feed just below the search bar. But lately, I had become much worse at that. Those things are simply created to make us scroll; it's hard to resist. And so I read those headlines and clicked through the news stories. I noticed that this was not a good influence on me: suddenly I was aware of all kinds of things I didn't need to know. For example, I suddenly really wanted to buy something that Action sells, just because I had come across it there. Or I started complaining to my loved ones that a neighboring city was going to increase its personal income tax to finance the construction of their new city hall. These are things that don't interest me at all, but suddenly turned out to be vitally important. It took me weeks to realize this, and when I finally turned off the Discover feed in the app, it turned out to be the right decision. Peace of mind returned. That one lamp from Action won't make me happy, and neither will complaining about political decisions. What does make me happy is connecting with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him.

These are just small examples, but of course it can go much, much further. How many people allow themselves to be blinded by what they see on social media? The perfect family, the beautiful car, and the huge house, and then get themselves into debt to have the same? How many are deeply unhappy because they live in a perfectly normal apartment but feel like incredible losers because they compare themselves to their former classmates who are now rolling in money and can afford more? How many are blinded by what they see, not realizing that social media only shows them part of the truth?

“Everyone takes on the color of their surroundings”...

Which environment do I choose today? Am I aware that the people I surround myself with, the websites I visit, the social media platforms I use, the magazines I read, can have a major influence on me? Do I dare to choose to go against the flow? Do I dare to choose beauty, tranquility, and peace, instead of drama, judgment, and polarization?

It's something I have to actively work on. The books I read, the websites I visit, the shops I go to, the people I surround myself with... it all influences me. That's why I can also use this knowledge in a positive way. I can choose to surround myself with good and loving people, to read nourishing blogs or websites, to listen to worship music, and to watch spiritual YouTube videos that all help me grow effectively.

That choice is not easy, because it means consciously swimming against the tide. But I know it's totally worth it for me. Less fear, less temptation, and much more peace of mind. And that's what it's always about for me in the end.

Nathalie