Love is the Only Answer to Hate

“What? Stop following the news? Why on earth would you do that?!” was my spontaneous reaction when someone suggested to me that I should stop following the news. This was five years ago, and the idea seemed alien, strange, and stupid to me. If you don't know what's going on in the world, then how can you still function? Yet the truth turned out to be just the opposite: by no longer following the news, less fear was sown in my heart, and a free heart was what turned out to be necessary to experience real love and life.

“But what if something important happens and I don't know about it?” was my next question. The answer I got was as simple as it was true.
“If something really important happens, you'll hear about it. People talk about the really important things, and they don't do that about every little trifle that happens in the world but sows fear in your heart. What you need to know, you will know. The universe will make sure of that.”

Well, my conversation partner turned out to be right. Since I stopped keeping up with the news, I do indeed experience much less fear. That persistent feeling of anxiety has disappeared. And indeed, the important things do come to my attention. Always.

It has now been six days since I heard about the escalation of the war between the United States, Israel, and Iran. The first time I heard someone talk about it was out of concern for our fellow recovery members who live in both Israel and Iran. A few days later, it was my Italian friend who shared her fears with me about her good friend in Israel and how she fears for his well-being. But at the same time, she was also afraid that Europe would soon be involved, and that we too would soon be living in a war zone. When she said this, I felt a very strong compulsion to check the news sites. Yet for me, that is a bottom line: a recovery rule that I have imposed on myself not to cross, and I don't want to do so. The urge was very strong, and I prayed that God would take it away from me. And He did. Thank God. Why do I want to check the news? Because it gives me a sense of control. If I know what is happening, I can anticipate it. But that is not true. It is no more and no less than a false sense of security. I, Nathalie, cannot control or influence the war in the Middle East in any possible way. Nor do I have any control over whether that war will come here. I am completely powerless in that regard, and I am—just like all of us—at the mercy of the forces of the universe.

Yesterday morning, I had my weekly video call with a friend who lives in Dubai. Because I don't follow the news, I had no idea that the Gulf States were suddenly involved too! My friend told me about their situation now: rockets and planes constantly flying overhead, explosions they can hear, government alerts sent to all phones when there is an air strike and everyone has to stay indoors—and keep away from windows—and that they are allowed to go outside but are advised to work from home or attend online classes. She told me about her fear, but at the same time she remained relatively calm. That was more than could be said of me, because I suddenly became extremely frightened. I reacted quite strongly. Why did this affect me so much? Because it concerned my friend and I love her so much? Or is it also fear that it will happen here too? Fear that the stories my grandparents would sometimes tell about their childhood during World War II would also become reality in our lives? I don't know, but I was scared. In the end, it was my friend—who now lives in a war zone—who was comforting me. The world turned upside down!

Afterwards, I sent my Italian friend a text message. That I suddenly understood her great fear for her friend in Israel, because I now felt the same for my friend in Dubai. But also how powerless we are. Because what can we do? Nothing!

She said what I didn't dare to say myself: the only thing we can do is pray, but how meaningful will our prayers be? As if our prayers will suddenly stop the whole war. If a few political superpowers have evil in them and act on it, will it be our prayers that suddenly bring peace? No. It's pointless.

Later that day, I was talking with some friends about ‘fear and faith’. We talked about how faith is not just believing in God's existence, but that it is synonymous with taking action. That faith is not what we think or feel, but what we do. And then it suddenly dawned on me: I can do a lot myself! No, I can't stop the war. That's not in my power. But I can make sure that I protect my own heart from war. I do that by keeping fear at bay. By leaving current events for what they are, by praying for my friend in Dubai, her husband, and her children, and by asking God to take away my own fear. By being pure and honest in my own behavior. By taking good care of myself: sleeping and eating well, and working a strong program of recovery. By being loving toward others. By responding with love, not only to love, but also to hate. By giving to others, by being a listening ear, by being there for others. That way, I remain rooted in strength, peace, and love, and only then can I pass this on to others.

A war between political superpowers is one thing. But that doesn't mean there has to be war in my heart or with the people around me. Suppose—God forbid!—that the war would come to Belgium. Suppose. Then the best thing I can do is remain calm and serene, be deeply rooted in God, and offer stability to my loved ones, who will then be as afraid as I was yesterday (and still am).

Faith is action. “Faith without works is dead,” say both the Bible and the AA Big Book.

Today—just for today—I will take the right actions. I don't have everything under control, but there are certain actions I can and will take. It's the only thing I can do. Love is the only answer to hate, and that always starts in our own hearts.