Living a fulfilling life

As I wrote earlier in Living in Abundance, Scott and Helen Nearing gave us suggestions on how to live a simpler life with more abundance. I previously reflected on the suggestion: "Be at peace with yourself". Today, I want to discuss another of their suggestions, namely: "Find a job you enjoy".

Let me get straight to the point: I don't have a job. I don't work, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. I don't do any paid work. I used to, though. I graduated as a primary school teacher in 2011, after which I taught in a primary school for nine years. I really enjoyed the job. But the longer I did it, the more it became clear that it was mentally and physically too demanding for me. Because I was unable and unwilling to let go, I continued to work, with certain measures in place: part-time, with a cane in my hand and morphine patches on my chest. That was the only way I could manage. But when even that became impossible, I had to throw in the towel. I then took a year and a half off, had a lot of therapy, and then made one last attempt as a part-time teacher in adult education, but that too proved to be far too demanding. Since then, I have been declared disabled and receive benefits. I am very grateful that I no longer have to fight that tough battle. Heaven knows I've tried. Today, I am able to live at the pace of my body and mind, as I wrote earlier in Be at peace with yourself.

In the beginning, it was fairly easy. I had so much muscle pain and could do so little that I didn't have to worry about whether my life was fulfilling or enjoyable. I just had to climb out of that deep valley and regain my mental and physical strength. Rest, rest, rest.

The ‘problem’ came when I gained a little more strength and felt that I could do more than lying on the couch all day. Working was out of the question, I knew that very well. But what else could I do? I discussed it with someone from my faith community at the time, and he said, "God wants us to work". And I thought, "Does God want me to drop dead? I can’t do it!" So I did what I thought was the best compromise: I did service in my Twelve Step program. I wrote and translated many texts, was a member of several committees, was secretary of my home group, etc., etc. In addition, as a “good Christian” (ahem, ahem!), I didn't want to disappoint anyone when they asked for my help, so suddenly I was baking cakes for everyone and anyone or going out for a drink “with someone who really needed a listening ear,” even though I was exhausted and had muscle pain. You guessed it: I couldn't keep this up either. Another crash followed, and once again I lay on the couch for months as flat as a pancake.

So apparently that wasn't what was meant by "God wants us to work". But what then? The answer became clear to me over time... God, as I understand Him, created the world. He is a God of creation. And since we are made in His image, it is not wrong to assume that it would also be good for us to create. And that is exactly what I find to be true. I remember the very first time I realized this.
I was sitting on the train, crocheting flags for a birthday garland for a friend. Suddenly, I had that flag in my hand and felt an incredible energy flowing through me: this object did not exist half an hour ago, and by using my brain and fingers, I had created something that now has a real, tangible form. I have made something, and with it I can also contribute to the world. Through that garland, I can give love to others and thereby make the world a better place.

I try to seek out and hold on to that energy. What makes my heart sing, what gives me life? Sometimes it's embroidering something for my parents' friends' newborn grandchild, sometimes it's crocheting a birthday garland (also for myself!), and sometimes it's simply being there for others (but not when I can't handle it, only when I am well rested and have energy to spare!). Because that also makes me flow with energy, and I feel that I'm making a positive contribution. For example, I sponsor five women, four of whom I have a weekly one-hour video call with. That is a moment when I can just be there for them, listen to them, love them, build an authentic loving relationship, and, when desired, share my experience, strength, and hope with them. I belong and I have something to pass on. This is also creating, but in a very different way.

Now, before I can pass something on—a listening ear, constructive feedback, birthday decorations, or embroidery—I must first have it myself, of course. And I do that by investing time, effort, and energy, and by using my brain. I notice that I have a great need to constantly learn. Five years ago, I did that by immersing myself in Twelve Step literature and working the Steps, thereby growing in my own recovery. After that, it was by teaching myself to embroider and crochet, studying the Bible, learning more about the Oxford Group and the origins of AA, reading books on (art) history, etc. etc. I have also done a lot of writing and reading over the past few years, with the aim of growing in my writing as well. And for the past three months, I have also been learning Italian, which really makes me happy! I feel the energy flowing through me. That is what matters to me, searching for and holding on to what gives life meaning.

Writing this blog also does that for me. But it's more than that. It gives me—along with other things I do—purpose, a goal in life. Very important, and even necessary, according to Viktor Frankl. Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, and a survivor of the Holocaust. He wrote several books about having hope and a (life) goal, the most famous of which is Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl developed a form of therapy aimed at finding meaning and purpose in life, called logotherapy. As a survivor of the concentration camps, he obviously had profound experiences with this himself. Life in the camps was very hard, and he saw around him that those who no longer saw any meaning in their suffering were the ones who succumbed physically and mentally the fastest. He himself kept two goals in mind the entire time: seeing his wife again after the war and rewriting his manuscript based on his new experiences, imagining himself lecturing about purpose to packed college auditoriums. Frankl also often quoted Nietzsche: “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.”

Having hope is necessary in order to want to live. I have experienced this myself. When I was suicidal at the end of 2019, it was because I was convinced that life had nothing more to offer me. I thought I had tried every possible approach for happiness, and I saw no way out. I had lost all hope, and with it, all interest in life. It was only after my second hospitalization and some life-changing decisions on my part that a small light appeared at the end of the tunnel. But it was only after I joined a Twelve Step program that I really started to have hope: there, I met people who had had similar experiences but were now living sober and fulfilling lives. That gave me something to look forward to, which motivated me to work hard on my recovery.

I have also noticed in my own circle the importance of continual growth. Six months ago, one of my relatives changed jobs, and after just a few weeks she felt that it wasn't challenging enough for her. It wasn't long before she no longer enjoyed going to work. She lost her drive and found herself becoming increasingly unhappy. Fortunately, she quickly found a new job, one that does fulfill her. I saw the same thing with another family member, who had to change jobs a few years ago for medical reasons. For her new job, she has to regularly attend training courses, and she has also become the point of contact for her colleagues for this specific medical subject. It is clear to see how good this is for her, that she is able to experience what she is intellectually capable of. It contributes to her own well-being and that of others. And it clearly works!

The Nearings' suggestion, ‘find a job you like’, goes beyond just having a job, beyond doing paid work. It's about filling your life in a way that gives you fulfilment and helps you grow. Having a reason to get up and start the day with enthusiasm. I am grateful and feel blessed to have that life today. A life rich in love, relationships, skills, and grace. So very rich. I don't have money, but I am the richest person in the world. And for that, I can never be sufficiently grateful.

Nathalie