Sugar and Me—It Just Doesn't Work

Sugar and I aren’t exactly the best of friends. Well, at least not these days, but things used to be different...

Sugar, sweets, and all kinds of cookies used to be my go-to. If I felt a little sad, I’d grab a yogurt and curl up on the couch. If I wanted to have a cozy evening, I’d open a package of cookies or make a chocolate spread sandwich. And while the “cozy” food felt optional for a long time, eventually there came a point of no return... Sugar became a must, not just emotionally, but physically too. A few hours without sugar, and my body protested: I felt cranky, weak, and had a huge craving. Anyone who used to go on weekend trips with me knew I always had a granola bar or a pastry in my backpack. If I got too grumpy, people would even ask me if I wanted to eat one of those damn things right away. Sugar had me in its grip.

It went on like that for years, until my body suddenly couldn’t process sugar anymore. Extreme fatigue—like COVID fatigue—constant thirst and bathroom breaks, crazy headaches, and feeling really weak and sick became a daily occurrence. I felt that my diet was making me sick, and I tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. Even potatoes and sauces thickened with cornstarch made me sick. I didn’t know what to do anymore, so I followed someone’s recommendation to adopt the eating plan from another Twelve Step program. That program is for food addicts, and for anyone with an eating disorder: compulsive overeaters, anorexia, bulimia, ... For many there, following the program is literally a matter of life and death, and they therefore—quite rightly—take it very seriously. I followed the program mainly because the meal plan is sugar-free and low-carb. No potatoes, pasta, bread, or rice. No refined sugars or starch, and only foods where sugar (or derivatives) isn’t listed in the first four spots of the ingredient list. There’s a long list of foods that are okay, because they’re low-carb and thus don’t trigger cravings. These are divided into vegetables, fruits, and proteins: meat, fish, eggs, cheese, etc. While I initially thought I’d have to eat tiny portions, the opposite turned out to be true: full plates, an incredible array of colors and textures (so many vegetables!), and—except during the initial phase of the plan—no hunger. The cravings—and all the effects of sugar that had previously afflicted me so much—had become a thing of the past. I learned that hunger and cravings were two completely different things, which I could only distinguish once the sugar was out of my body.

Of course, I suspected at the time that I had diabetes, but I didn’t want to get tested. I didn’t see the point in it either... As long as I stick to the food plan—God’s natural medicine!—I don’t have any problems. On the contrary, I noticed that I was starting to have more energy, was much less oversensitive than before and had little to no anxiety left in my body. Those were huge benefits, and revelations. What sugar can do! The fact that I was suddenly free from the obsession with food, and no longer had to go eat cookies in the middle of the night because my body was screaming for them, was also a liberation. I also lost 35 kilograms, and three years later, that weight is still off. Even though that wasn’t important to me at first, there’s no denying that it’s good for my overall health. The meal plan works—if I stick to it.

And that’s where the problem lies. Although, I’m doing pretty well. I love the benefits and effects of a sugar-free and low-carb lifestyle, and I love the meal plan. But I’m stubborn. I don’t like having things imposed on me “because that’s just the way it is.” When I do something, I want to know why I’m doing it, that it’s truly beneficial, and I don’t want to just blindly follow what someone else tells me to do. So for the past year—about 2.5 years after I started this—I’ve been experimenting. Which foods might actually work, and which don’t? Because after all: what’s the worst that could happen? That I’m sick for three days, learn my lesson, and move on? Exactly, and that’s precisely what’s happened over the past week and a half.

I like to eat meat, but not every day. Tofu, eggs, and unsweetened soy milk and yogurt work well for me, but overall they offer too little variety. So a week and a half ago, I decided to try veggie burgers and falafel. Pretty high in carbs and even sugars, but who knows? Well, it didn’t work. I was super hyper, anxious, and dead tired again. The weird thing was that I didn’t realize what was causing it. I was just enjoying some really tasty falafel! Last week I wrote about the increased anxiety, and even after that about the fatigue, and I attributed it to other factors. I just didn’t know. Until I suddenly realized: I feel just like I used to, back when I still ate sugar. That’s when it clicked! And so: no more falafel and no more super-delicious veggie burgers. Three days later, I felt normal again. Great! Last Sunday I felt like myself again, and Monday too. Phew!

Yesterday morning I drank something that isn’t on the meal plan, but I didn’t see what could be wrong with it, since it contains just as many carbs as semi-skimmed milk—namely, sugar-free oat milk. I gave it a try. Man, that was a mistake! I was soooo tired, and I slept very deeply all morning. After that, I was as drowsy as a bumblebee for hours. Again, I didn’t make the connection with my food, but thought my body was fighting hay fever or a coming cold... It wasn’t until I went grocery shopping in the afternoon, and all the sounds from the streets and the store came in deafeningly loud and I really couldn’t handle it, that I started wondering if I’d eaten sugar… I checked the label on the oat milk: no sugar, but 10 grams of carbs per 100 ml. Darn! The oat milk, of course, went straight down the drain. The rest of the day I was tired, pale, and hyper-stimulated. And last night I had a very vivid dream, which I know was caused by carbohydrates. I’ve heard many people in my recovery program share the same thing—that they often have these kinds of dreams after eating carbs.

I realize that I am very blessed with my—I think—diabetic body. What if my body could still digest sugar perfectly, and I were still eating those sweets? Then I’d still be dealing with heightened sensitivity, anxiety, and vivid dreams every single day. Actually, my body is doing me a huge favor by reacting so strongly. All I have to do is eat a low-carb diet, and then everything runs smoothly. No medication needed, no pills or injections, just eating what God created: lots of vegetables, a little fruit, meat, fish, cheese, eggs (and, in my view, God in all His goodness also created unsweetened soy milk! Yay!).

I don’t like diagnoses, so I’ve never been willing to get tested for diabetes. I have a solution, so what’s the point? I don’t want pills, and I don’t really want a diagnosis either. Until I talked to my sister about this yesterday. She’s a nurse, so she sometimes sees things from a different perspective. She said I won’t always have control over my food intake, because what if I end up in a nursing home later and, without a diagnosis, I just have to eat whatever they serve me? I realized myself that if I were to have an accident tomorrow and be rushed to the hospital, there’s a good chance they’d hook me up to an IV with glucose. Then, on top of broken ribs and bones, I’d also have extreme fatigue, thirst, a headache, and feel terribly sick and weak, for no good reason at all. So, after 3.5 years, I finally made an appointment with the doctor. It’s time for me to get properly tested and get a diagnosis. Because even though I have a solution, my sister is right: I won’t always be able to control my food intake.

I really haven’t been feeling well for the past week and a half: anxiety, hypersensitivity, those awful dreams, headaches, tiredness, and just plain weak and sick. But nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Maybe all of this was necessary to protect me from bigger problems in the future, like a car accident or something? Only God knows!

I am very well aware that not everyone experiences diabetes-like symptoms after eating carbohydrates, and thankfully so. But half the world does struggle with anxiety and sensitivity to stimuli. My hope is that this blog post can inspire people to find relief from these issues themselves. 'Pray as if everything depends on God, act as if everything depends on you', is what comes to mind.

Kicking the sugar habit isn’t easy. Physically and emotionally, its impact should not be underestimated (did you know that mice in a cage will choose sugar water over water with cocaine, and that they become addicted to it faster and have a harder time breaking the habit than with the cocaine water? I kid you not!). Personally, I initially needed a sponsor and other “like-minded people” to get through it, but once the sugar-free life became a habit, I could continue on my own. Life is calmer this way, and I experience more freedom. And that’s why I do it, time and time again. I wish the same for others who are fighting the same battle.