Somewhere, far away, there are two countries that live peacefully side by side. The residents of these countries are free to cross the border to travel, work, or do whatever they like in their neighboring country, but they are not allowed to bring any goods from one nation to the other. Because of this, their belongings are strictly inspected at every border crossing. One day, a man arrives at the checkpoint. He wants to travel from one country to the other by bicycle. On the back of his bike, he has a bag of sand.
"What do you have there on your bike?" the border guard asks.
"A bag of sand," the citizen replies.
"That’s it? Sand? You understand that we have to thoroughly inspect this bag for contraband, right?"
"Of course. Go right ahead."
The border guards check the bag but find nothing but actual sand. They decide that transporting it is harmless, so they allow the man to cross the border. The next day, the exact same thing happens. The border guards give the citizen a strange look. "Do you have another bag of sand with you today?" they ask. "Indeed I do," the man replies. Once again, the border guards sift through the entire bag but find nothing but sand. They decide to let him through again.
The day after that, the exact same thing happens, and by now, the border guards are getting suspicious. They decide to scan the bag with special equipment, but even then, they find absolutely nothing but sand, so they let him pass once more. This scenario repeats itself day after day, week after week, month after month. Every single day, the guards scan the bag of sand, find nothing, and conclude that the citizen isn't doing anything illegal.
After a year, the citizen says, "Guys, I have good news. Today will be the last day I cross the border. You won't have to inspect anything anymore!" The border guards look at him and ask why on earth he transported a bag of sand every single day. Was there really nothing else inside but sand? The citizen replies, "Oh, it really was just sand; there was absolutely nothing else in there. But because you were so focused on that bag of sand, I was able to smuggle a bicycle across the border every single day for a year!"
As much as I’d like to claim otherwise, I have to admit that I am that border guard. Sometimes, I can get so focused on one specific situation in my life—on something that’s difficult or causing me stress—that I completely lose sight of the fact that there is more to life than just that problem. I get so tangled up in the web of anxiety that tunnel vision sets in. That single issue becomes the only thing that exists, and it feels like something that must be solved as quickly as possible. I try to do everything in my power to regain control, completely blinding myself to what is happening around me. I stop seeing the beauty and the goodness in life. I no longer see how rich and blessed I am, how valuable my life is, or how happy I actually am. In those moments, all I see is the bag of sand. I sift through it, analyze it, and even have others scan it, hoping they might see something I’m missing. The situation consumes me, takes over, and overwhelms me. Suffocates me. Truly suffocates me. I can’t breathe, and I find myself searching in the craziest places for a gasp of oxygen, for fresh air, for anything that can rescue me from this suffocating place.
A few weeks ago, I shared my pain and heartache about a situation like this with a recovery group. One of the responses I got was: "Just keep breathing. Inhale, exhale. Always keep breathing." I thought that was such stupid advice. As if I don’t already meditate, pray, and do everything I possibly can?! And yet. When I found myself trapped in my own anxieties a few hours later, that was the exact advice that resurfaced. Keep breathing. And so I did. I breathed my way through it. A day later, the same thing. A week later, the same thing. And this morning, the same thing. Apparently, that advice wasn't so foolish after all. It doesn’t solve my problems, but it does get me out of my head and back into my body. The anxiety eases just a little, and it becomes easier to see the bigger picture.
That bigger picture is something I have to actively force myself to focus on. When relationships end, it feels like the ground is being pulled out from under my feet. It feels like life is over. Yet, the reality is that I still have other relationships; there are many people who love me, and I am surrounded by a great support system. When I’m afraid of financial setbacks or problems, that fear is the only thing I see, and my instinct is to solve it as quickly and proactively as possible. But when I make an active effort to look at the overall picture of my life, I see that today, I have nothing to fear. There is money for rent, for food, and for everything needed for today. That fear doesn't have to consume me, take over, or rule my life.
When I focus on the bags of sand in my life, I miss what is happening right in front of my eyes every single time. I miss the beauty, the blessings, and everything that is good. I have to constantly remind myself to take the magnifying glass off the situation so I can look around at the wider horizon. Constantly. Even now, even today. It’s hard when anxiety tries to take the wheel of your life, but it’s not impossible. With God’s guidance, all things are possible. On my own, I can’t do it, but with Him, I can. Keep breathing, Nathalie. Always keep breathing.
How about you? Do you ever let yourself get so consumed by the problems in your life that you lose sight of everything else? How do you deal with this? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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