Glimmer, Glimmering, Glimmerest! (ENG)

"If I focus on a problem, the problem increases;
if I focus on the answer, the answer increases"

Acceptance Was The Answer, AA Big Book

The quote above comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and in my experience, it’s absolutely spot on! When I focus on my problems, they get bigger. When I focus on the good things in my life, they get bigger. And the beauty of it is: I have plenty of both, so I can choose what to focus on! Plenty of drama, plenty of trauma, plenty of problems to fixate on, that’s no problem. But also so much love, so much good that I find in my life. When I focus on that, I instantly feel a lot better.

I wrote about this before, in Nurturing Our Inner Garden. There, I focused on expressing gratitude. Some people do this by writing it down and sharing it with others, but I personally bring it into my prayers. Everything that is good in my life, I owe to God, and so I want to thank Him for it every evening.

In this blog post, I want to take it just a step further and talk about glimmers. And while some might suggest that glimmers and things to be grateful for are the same, I personally feel there’s a subtle distinction between the two.

Let’s start with the much better-known counterpart to the glimmer: the trigger. A trigger is a stimulus that activates your nervous system in a negative way. A reaction to a trigger can be to fight, flee, or freeze. Personally, I’m always a “freezer.” When faced with triggers, I freeze. Dangerous-looking dogs coming toward me, and I freeze. The same goes for chickens, pigeons, or other birds that get too close, for that matter (seriously, why do those creepy creatures even exist?!). But even more serious triggers that evoke a trauma response cause me to freeze. Other people might start fighting or running away. I suppose it’s partly a matter of personal disposition. But whatever the case, a trigger isn’t pleasant — to put it mildly!

A glimmer is exactly the opposite: it’s something we feel, smell, see or experience… and it calms our nervous system. It soothes us and gently lets the trigger fade away. That’s good to know, because if we can actively look for glimmers during good times, we can also use them when we’re struggling. Feeling unsettled, agitated, angry, or afraid is something we’re all familiar with; it’s part of being human. Who among us doesn’t sometimes worry (big or small) about our grandchildren, elderly parents parents, get angry when another driver cuts them off in traffic and flips them off, when the neighbor is nagging at you again, when you have money problems and don’t know how you’ll put food on the table tomorrow, and so on and so forth. Life is full of difficulties, but fortunately also full of beauty. And seeing and actively creating all that beauty is pretty much the art of it!

In this blog post, I want to give you a glimpse into my life and into my glimmers (don’t you think the word “glimmer” is just wonderful on its own? I really picture a shiny diamond in my mind!). Hopefully, it will inspire you to go out and find your own!


Nature and animals

- Sunrise and sunset. In my experience, I don’t have to travel to find this, but can enjoy it almost daily—as long as I open my eyes and consciously take in my surroundings. For me, this happens every morning. When I look out my window, I see the sun rise, and the way it plays on the clouds is beautiful. In my previous apartment, I was blessed with a stunning sunset every evening.

For others, it can also happen while driving on the highway to work, or anywhere else, of course. Keeping your eyes open and looking around is the key! The same goes, of course, for beautiful spring clouds, daffodils that can be found in just about every flower bed these days, formations of geese flying overhead, and so on.

- A few weeks ago, while sitting on my balcony, I saw two magpies building a nest high up in a tree. Those birds flew around for days carrying twigs that were easily ten times their size, and because they were so heavy, they had to make regular stopovers on roofs and garden walls. That was truly amazing to see! It just felt so... natural, earthy, real, connected. Just right. Pure nature.

- I have lots of plants. And this season, they’re all sprouting new leaves with great enthusiasm, which is obviously nice. But two of my plants, my Monstera and my Alocasia, are really large plants where the growth of a new leaf happens very slowly and visibly. When I see that, I’m truly in awe. First, a tiny new leaf peeks out from the stem, two days later it unfurls, a week later it’s suddenly a young, still-light-green leaf, and another week later it’s fully grown and just as dark green as its older brothers and sisters! I think that’s amazing, and it takes my breath away every time. And I don’t even have to go outside to see it!

- My sister’s dog is a real cuddle bug. Generally speaking, I don't really like dogs (or birds, or cats I don't know, or really any animal...), but I've really come to trust my sister's dog and I've grown to love her. She's always so incredibly happy to see me—or anyone!—and I really enjoy those cuddles. Lately, I’ve been taking her for a walk every Thursday, and I experience that as very glimmerish!

Since you obviously can’t orchestrate the growth of new leaves or a sunset, I set out to find ways to recreate that same feeling. So, when I feel triggered, I can ground myself again by actively glimmering. That’s why I always have potting soil at home and potential cuttings in water, so I can repot plants at any time (something I discovered in therapy!). Looking at nature photos, like the one below that I took last year during my vacation on the Belgian coast, also helps. The same goes for looking at photos of my sister’s dog. Also very glimmerish!

Glimmering Activities

- Listening to music! Some music makes me super joyful, while other songs make me feel really calm, but I make sure to choose songs that are as glimmerish as possible. The happier they make me, the better!

Some of my favorite happy songs are Lemonade - Forrest Frank and God Problems (Not By Power) - Maverick City Music. An example of background music that slows my heart rate and makes me genuinely happy is Psalms in Jazz.

- Being with friends or family. Being loved, having good conversations, and sometimes just having a really good laugh is so important! Here too, when I’m feeling triggered, looking back at photos with family and friends is a great way to calm my nerves.
Rereading messages is another one. I received the messages and emojis below yesterday and this morning from my 6-year-old niece, and I’m sure I’ll be looking back at them often!

Every Thursday, I pick up my sister’s kids from school, and then we come over to my place. Next week, my niece is going on an overnight trip with her class, so she won’t be able to join us. The fact that she’s thinking about this and is sad because she won’t be able to come over, and is asking for an “extra” moment—isn’t that just super adorable?! It really makes me happy! And then all those emojis. .. I know her, and I know she chose every single emoji very, very carefully. I can just picture her sitting there, on my sister’s smartphone, picking out each emoji one by one... Heartwarming!

Recently I also got a message and a photo from my best friend, and I find myself rereading that one too. She’s pregnant with her first child, and – thank you, Lord! – I get to be the godmother of that little one.

On Monday she had an appointment with the OB-GYN, after which she sent me a message saying everything is fine with the baby, and she even included a 3D ultrasound! Seeing that little bundle with little arms, eyes, a little nose, and all the rest was really amazing! I have to admit I’ve looked at that photo at least ten times already!


Glimmering Objects

This is my absolute favorite! To me, glimmering objects are items that evoke a special memory or hold a special meaning. Some of them I always carry with me (like the cross on my necklace, which I always grab or seem to put in my mouth when I’m having a hard time), while others are mostly found at home. All I have to do is remind myself that all of this is love given to me in tangible form!

Well, those were a few of my glimmers! I really enjoyed writing this blog post, and I hope I’ve inspired you to go in search of your own glimmers. For me, these glimmers are essential for calming myself down when my nervous system is overactive and on high alert, so that peace and love can flow through me again. For me, the difference in expressing gratitude lies in its soothing, loving aspect. I can be grateful for my electric bike or for the food on my plate, and that’s wonderful, but I feel that glimmers go just that little bit further. Glimmers are a natural antidepressant, or a God-given sedative.

And so I’d like to close with the opening lines of If It Wasn’t For Jesus, by Benjamin William Hastings:
Don’t know how I ever did it
Go a day without You in it
Guess You were and I just missed it

All these glimmers—the sunset, my sister's cuddly dog, being able to be her witness, the messages and dinosaurs from the children, gifts from my parents, the friendship with my best friend and the fact that I will be her child's godmother...—they are all gifts from God. I didn’t see that before; I only saw my difficulties. Today I count my blessings and know that I am protected, loved, and very much blessed by Him!