The Story of the Frog

Do you know the story of the frog and the pot of boiling water? Throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, and the little thing will immediately realize it won’t make it out alive. Because it loves its life, it will do everything it can to jump out. But throw a frog into a pot of cold water, and it will be happy to stay in there. Then turn the gas burner on very low, and the water will heat up. The frog doesn’t notice this; it doesn’t feel the water gradually getting warmer. The water first reaches 30°C, then 40, 60, 80, 90, ... The little thing is being boiled alive and has no clue! By the time it realizes what’s happening, it’s already very weak and it’s (almost) too late to get out.

This isn’t just the frog’s story, but mine as well. It happens over and over again, and I don’t even realize it. It’s been the same these past few weeks. I’ve once again taken on more social activities than I can handle, and I didn’t even realize it. Yet I know very well what works for me: keeping at least two free days between each social occasion. I wrote about this before, in Be at Peace With Yourself. When I do that, I feel peace, love, and strength flowing through me. Then I feel connected to myself, God, and others, and I have enough resilience to handle setbacks or extra challenges. Then life is pleasant and good. After that, I can genuinely enjoy the next social interaction (family, a friend, and even therapy, ...), and then quietly come back to myself. Still, I made exceptions both last week and this week, squeezing in extra activities. Very fun, very cool, until it’s too much again. And that’s where I am now: too much. My brain feels like it was thrown into a deep fryer and then shoved back between my ears. And I’m so tired that I slept for two afternoons in a row again, and that’s not something I do anymore these days.

In the past—okay, last year—that was exactly what I did: lots of social activities, and sleeping and recovering in between. I had many highs (because being social is fun!), and many lows. The lows were deep, very deep. Lots of sleeping, lots of feeling disconnected. Since I completely burned myself out last May, I’ve changed my behavior: a calmer schedule turns out to mean a calmer Nathalie. That way, I don’t have any more lows, I don’t need to sleep during the day anymore, and I have the energy to handle the basics: grocery shopping, cooking healthy meals, cleaning my apartment, etc. I have mental bandwidth; I’m happy, calm, and connected.

But not right now. Just like that frog in the pot, the water kept getting warmer, and I didn’t feel it. On the other hand—and I can be proud of this!—I do feel it heating up much faster now. Whereas before I’d keep going like that for years before completely crashing, I can already feel it happening after barely two weeks. That, in turn, is real progress. "Progress, not perfection," we say in the Twelve Step world, and that’s exactly how it is!

Just now, I took a critical look at my calendar. Because not only were the past two weeks busy, the next four weeks were going to be just the same. When I saw that, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Well, that’s when I know I need to take action. I canceled several appointments, all based on the same principle: do I, in this way, have at least two free days between each appointment? Yes, then I keep them. No, then I cancel them. And that’s exactly what I did. I still feel tired now, but I can breathe again. I just have to persevere until tomorrow evening, and then I can rest again.

A few days ago, I heard someone say: “Am I willing to fight for the life I want?”. That really resonated with me. I am the one responsible for my life; I am the one who has to take action and take care of myself. I am not a victim of the world or of my schedule, because I make that myself!

Just now I had a call with someone, and it made me realize one thing: I have a good life. These are minor problems, not insurmountable difficulties. I don’t have a sick child or spouse, and I’m not sick myself. I just need to adjust my plans a bit, and everything will be fine again.

This frog was boiled bit by bit, but has now jumped out of the pot again. Starting tomorrow, I can rest on the kitchen counter, and then my hope is that I’ll stay far away from that boiling pot! And if I do that, then I can be my true self, and that’s what it’s ultimately all about.