Two Way Prayer (ENG)

It must have been about five years ago now that I—a few months sober and just taking my first tentative steps toward recovery—heard someone talking about Two Way Prayer. That man said, in all seriousness, that he had talked with God. I couldn’t believe my ears! Talking TO God was already a big deal to me, but talking WITH God—that seemed… Well, what did that seem to me, really? Completely crazy and insane. Anyway, good for him, but I certainly had my own thoughts about it. Yet that man seemed to benefit from it, from talking with God. He said that for him, it’s an important way to walk the path of life together with God. Well, cool. Good for him, but not for me. Yet suddenly, after that, several people started talking about Two Way Prayer, which quietly piqued my curiosity. Could those people really talk with God? That can’t be possible, can it?! Isn’t it just their own imagination speaking? I didn’t know, but I eventually decided to give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?

I started looking for information and tips on how to do Two Way Prayer, and I ended up on Father Bill W.’s website and podcast. He’s an Episcopal priest with over fifty years of sobriety in AA, and after several decades of sobriety and Twelve Step recovery, he realized something was missing in his spiritual life. He went in search of the roots of AA, and in doing so discovered how the Eleventh Step was practiced in the early years. That Eleventh Step reads: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out”.

'Praying only for the knowledge of His will'... well, for that, Two Way Prayer is a good tool, of course. Yet today it is not nearly as common as it used to be, and that is a pity. In the early years of AA, there was actually much more emphasis on the relationship with God, on living a spiritual life, than there is today. And that, in turn, is because AA originated from the Oxford Group at the time. That was a large Christian group that sought to live as the early Christians lived. That was, in fact, their first official name: “A First Century Christian Fellowship.” They lived according to certain biblical principles, and those principles work well, of course. These principles were: surrender (to God), listening (to God), checking (with others to see if their guidance from God is correct), making amends to others if they have harmed them, and sharing their sins with others and testifying how God has saved them from it. Of course, there were a few alcoholics (I’ll spare you the more detailed history of AA!) who also found healing here: they became and remained sober, and lived a spiritual life, but both the “alkies” and the “normies” seemed to prefer that the alkies form their own separate group, and that’s what they did, following the same principles as the Oxford Group. And lo and behold: AA and the Twelve Steps were born! For me, that is important. I regard the Steps as the manual for the Bible, as the manual for life. With the Bible alone, I can’t quite get there; then it remains a case of “I should behave this way or that way, but this or that behavior is stronger than I am, and now I feel guilty that I keep giving in to it, and because of that I’m weighed down by that sin, even though I know things can and must be different”. If the Bible is a complicated wardrobe, then the Twelve Steps are the IKEA manual for that wardrobe: broken down into small, easy parts that are easy for everyone to understand and put into practice.

Anyway, Two Way Prayer... That was an important practice in the Oxford Group, and the Alkies picked it up and brought it into AA. Over the years, it was forgotten there, but in the meantime, Fr. Bill W. breathed new life into it, and for that I am very grateful! I’ve been doing it for at least 4.5 years now, because ever since that very first time, I was hooked. I knew that this was God speaking to me; it simply couldn’t be anything else. What He answered, in that first Two Way Prayer, was something I could never, ever have said to myself. It was so loving and so beautiful, and I cried my eyes out. I just felt from head to toe that this was God, and I knew I wanted more of it. And while I did my TWP with pen and paper in the early years—as Fr. Bill W. recommends in his workshops and podcasts—in recent years I’ve actually been doing it almost exclusively in my head. I sit down, take my time to talk to God, and listen to His answer. And just like in a normal conversation, the communication goes back and forth until the conversation comes to a natural end. In those conversations, I mainly receive guidance. Often I present specific problems or thoughts to Him, and I receive an answer on how I might handle them. These can be very practical matters, such as not knowing how best to allocate my energy that day, but they can also involve discussing a difficult conversation that’s coming up, or something that has already taken place and my feelings about it.

In this blog post, I’m not going to try to explain how TWP can be done; that would do a disservice to this wonderful practice. Father Bill W. wrote a book about it last year, but there’s also a free website, YouTube videos, etc. He does a great job with it, and I’d be happy to refer you to him (links at the bottom of these blog posts). Still, I’d like to give a little example, just to inspire and perhaps give a nudge to anyone who might be interested in this.

For me, one of Fr. Bill W.’s most important tips was to start the conversation by addressing God, and to expect a loving response from Him. Another good tip was to simply write down what you think God is saying to you, without overthinking whether it’s Him speaking or if it’s you. Just jot down whatever comes to mind and see what happens; after a while, the process will flow more smoothly, and you’ll get better and better at sensing what comes from God and what doesn’t.

So, here is my Two Way Prayer from tonight. I’m going to do it right here on the spot, and I have no idea what will come out of it. Only God knows...

N: Hey, Father.
G: Hello, My child.
N: I want to do a TWP here, but I’m scared.
G: I can imagine. This is the most intimate, personal conversation anyone can have. Are you sure you want to share that with the world?
N: No.
G: Then why do you want to do it?
N: Because that’s how it’s supposed to be in a blog post about TWP. Right?
G: My child, that “what’s supposed to be done” never comes from Me. Never ever. I am not a God of “musts,” of “that’s how it’s supposed to be,” of “what will others think.” No, I want you to act out of love. What is the most loving thing you can do right now?
N: Right now?
G: Yes.
N: Really?
G: Yes.
N: Actually, to shut down my computer and go rest. It was a busy day and I’m tired. But that’s loving toward myself, not toward others.
G: You cannot give what you haven't got, so why even try? Take care of yourself first, then others. Just shut down your computer and go rest.
N: But I want to finish this.
G: It is finished.
N: Really?
G: Really. It’s fine as it is. Just let it go. The rest is up to Me. You’ve planted the seed, and with whom and when it grows—that’s My job. Nothing more needs to be said or done. Just leave it to Me. Okay?
N: Okay. Thank you, Father.
G: Always, My child. I’m here for you, always.

As promised, here are a few links...
Two Way Prayer website (where you can also find links to the podcasts and the book)
Two Way Prayer YouTube channel

Oh, and if you try TWP, feel free to let me know in the comments how you liked it. I'm curious!