Me, Myself en I

“Me, myself, and I—and the rest can go to hell” is a well-known saying here in Flanders, especially back when I was a child. It was what people would say if you did something extremely selfish, like, say, pouring water only for yourself at the table without asking the others if they wanted a drink too. I found myself thinking about this saying today, but especially about how untrue it is. Because who is the one who ultimately suffocates because of that selfish behavior—me or the other person?

I am—to put it mildly—quite sensitive to certain sounds. There are many sounds that drive me absolutely crazy, the top 5 of which undoubtedly consist of 1) highways, 2) dryers, 3) range hoods, 4) idling cars, and 5) ticking clocks. I mean it: they drive me absolutely, completely crazy! I can’t help it either. Now, as luck would have it (ahem, ahem!), I live right next to a highway here. I know, that highway was here years before I moved in, but since I had to move in a hurry last year and the current rental market is a total disaster, this apartment was a take-it-or-leave-it situation. And so I really struggle mentally with having the windows open, which is necessary in the summer if you don’t want to suffocate. I’ve tried all kinds of earplugs, but none so far have been pain-free, efficient, and user-friendly all at once. Until a friend told me about Loop earplugs a little over a week ago! I’d never heard of them before, but apparently Loop has a whole range of earplugs: Loop Dream (for sleeping), Loop Quiet (to filter out all sounds during the day), Loop Engage (which lets you still have conversations while filtering out background noise), and Loop Experience (for festivals, soccer games, etc.). My friend turned out to be a big fan of the Loop Engage, but I personally needed the Loop Quiet the most. The prospect of being able to open my window during the day without the constant noise from the highway suddenly seemed very appealing (and for at night, I’m really happy with the wax earplugs from Blox)! The price of Loop Quiet wasn’t too bad either: 19.99 euros, and since my best friend was just as interested as I was and we were able to order together (via this website), we didn’t have to pay shipping costs. I received them on Thursday, and I have to say: they’re a-ma-zing!!! Seriously, I’m a huge fan! Now I can sit on the couch with the windows open without having to blast music over the highway noise. I can also cook with the range hood on without music (but with the Loop Quiet), and even take an afternoon nap while the dryer is running. I feel so free, and that makes me really, really happy! I’d almost send the Loop inventors a bouquet of flowers out of sincere gratitude.

That’s why I’ve been thinking about getting the Loop Engage too over the past few days. Social gatherings take a lot of energy out of me, partly because there’s always background noise that becomes part of the conversation: ticking clocks, an oven running, cars driving by, ... After any social gathering, I always feel drained, and I need a few hours to days to recover. That’s not a big deal, but it does make the Loop Engage an attractive option to buy as well.. . Yesterday morning, I made up my mind and started looking for the website that offered the cheapest Loops and had the most favorable return policy, just in case it wasn’t really my thing after all. I found that website, made the purchase, and was happy with my decision. But when I went to the supermarket a few hours later, had loaded my trolley to the brim with the handheld scanner, and went to pay at the self-checkout, it suddenly turned out that my bank card was blocked. The employees at the supermarket were remarkably patient and helpful, and they set aside my receipt and trolley so I could call my bank right there. The bank didn’t immediately see what the problem was, but they promised to look into it right away and, in the meantime, suggested I bike over to them so they could give me cash, which I could then use to pay for my groceries later. Once I arrived at the bank, it became clear what the problem was: I had made a purchase on a fraudulent website, and as a precaution, the bank had frozen my account so they couldn’t steal all my money and would limit the loss to just that 30 euros. I just started crying right there. 30 euros is a lot of money for me, but if I’d gotten peace of mind (Loop Engage!) in exchange, it would have been worth it. But now? No Loops, but 30 euros poorer, and there’s simply nothing that can be done about it. I got pretty combative and immediately said I was going to the police, and that woman from the bank looked at me with such pity and said, “Go ahead, but it’s a lost cause. You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last.” And so I’ve lost my money and can’t access my bank account for a week until I get a new card.

The feeling that dominated me yesterday was that bad people are getting rich off the backs of good people, and how unfair that is. But when I was praying about it, I realized that isn’t true. Because those “bad” people aren’t bad people. They are people who are completely under the spell of evil. They are people who are solely driven and focused on their own selves, their own gain, and on what they can get out of the world. They no longer see the truth, and they are lost. Lost within themselves, in the trap that has been set for them and into which they stumble headlong every single day. They become rich, but they are destitute. Financially, they may have a lot, but spiritually they are poorer than anyone else. For every day they do this, for every amount they swindle from people and seem to get away with, they become more and more estranged from themselves. And I should know, because I’ve done it myself. Not phishing, of course (I’m just glad I know how to blog, let alone more advanced IT skills!), but addiction. Because ultimately, there’s no difference between the two: you take and take, hoping it will make you happy and whole, but every time you do it, you become more and more lost within yourself. Your soul becomes emaciated, and eventually, you’re as good as dead. My doctor didn’t mince words six years ago: spiritually and emotionally, I was already dead, and physically, I was merely surviving. I was breathing and walking around, but you couldn’t call it “living” anymore. She was right. I was nearly dead, and that’s why true death seemed like the real way out. Thanks to God’s grace, I came across the Twelve Steps and my therapist, and I was able to leave my “me, myself, and I—and the rest can go to hell” little life behind me. Because by only taking, by only looking out for our own gain, we lose everything, including our soul and life force. And in the end, the one who truly suffocates is the selfish person himself, and not the others.

I do not want to gloat over these scammers, for what they need is compassion and prayer. Jesus told us this, too, in Matthew 5:43–48: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’” But I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; only then are you truly children of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the good and the evil, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Is it a merit to love those who love you? Don’t the tax collectors do the same? And if you treat only your brothers and sisters kindly, what is so extraordinary about that? Don’t the gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

How spiritually distant these people must be, and how lost within themselves, if they are preoccupied with this. What they need is a lot of love, and a way out. They may have a lot financially, but what good is that if they are dead inside? By praying for them, I can give and serve, and thereby be perfect (which means “to be filled with the Holy Spirit,” not “to be flawless”).

It also reminds me of a story I heard years ago. It’s about two identical tables, one in heaven and the other in hell. Both tables are filled with delicious cakes and desserts, and everyone at the table has a spoon that’s a meter long to eat with. The people at the table in hell look completely emaciated, listless, and unhappy, while those sitting at the table in heaven are content, happy, and healthy. We’re talking about the same table, the same delicacies, and the same utensils. What’s the difference? The people in hell think only of themselves and, because of the meter-long spoons, are unable to get the food into their mouths. The people in heaven, on the other hand, think of their fellow human beings and serve one another: they feed each other, so all those delicious cakes actually find their way into their stomachs.

I think I know which table those phishers from yesterday will be sitting at, and I know one thing: I don’t want to sit with them anymore. Today I choose to focus on what I can give to others, and not on what I can take. It is by giving love, time, and attention to others, but also by giving alms to those in need, that I myself can be fulfilled, happy, and whole and healthy, just like those people in heaven. I pray for the phishers, and that they may leave their current lives behind so that one day they can sit with us at the right table. Will you pray with me?

P.S. If you want to order Loop earplugs yourself, please DO NOT do so through this website. The only official website is loopearplugs.com, or through bol.com (but you can’t return them there once the packaging has been opened).