"Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer."
AA Big Book, p. 87
Many roads lead to Rome. I am truly convinced of that. In fact, it has been my experience that walking just one path—even if it seems to work reasonably well—cannot offer all the benefits that walking multiple paths at the same time can.
Before I started Twelve-Step recovery, I had already seen several psychologists and therapists, and none of them could really help me. When I found my way to a Twelve-Step fellowship, I felt truly understood by others for the first time in years. I was among peers, among people who knew what I was going through. I could understand them, and they could understand me. And most importantly: they had found a way out. I wanted what they had, and because of that, I was willing to work the Twelve Steps as well. Through that, I came to know my Higher Power—whom I call God—and I learned to surrender my will and my life to Him. Not to others, but to Him. I also learned to do “spot-check inventories” and to check in with myself and God throughout the day. Ending the day with the evening inventory also helps me: are there any lingering difficult emotions from the day that I haven’t yet addressed? Going over my day together with God, including listing all the things I’m grateful for, feels like a beautiful ritual to end the day.
I also find meditating every day to be crucial for my well-being. I’ve been meditating for ten years, and since my recovery, I’ve been doing it twice a day for 25 minutes. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary to silence the “screaming monkeys” in my mind for a moment. To let the dust settle for a bit. It’s like looking at a pond after a stone has been thrown in, and watching the sand settle back to the bottom as the water becomes clear and calm again. That’s what meditation is to me, and it’s absolutely essential for processing the world’s stimuli and finding peace within myself once more.
I experience sharing the message of recovery and applying spiritual principles in everything I do as a logical consequence of working the Steps. God’s love and joy that are within me seek a way out by being shared with others.
But: there is more to life than just the Twelve Steps. This is the foundation, but not everything. There is so much more in this world that can help me in my recovery—so why shouldn’t I make use of it?
A while ago, I was on the phone with one of my dearest sponsees, an Egyptian Muslim woman. She told me about a prayer in Islam, and it touched me so deeply at the time that I asked her to send it to me afterward. Here it is:
“O Allah, benefit me with what You have taught me, and teach me that which will benefit me, and increase me in knowledge.”
"اللَّهُمَّ انْفَعْنِي بِمَا عَلَّمْتَنِي وَعَلِّمْنِي مَا يَنْفَعُنِي وَزِدْنِي عِلْمًا."
“Benefit me” and “teach me that which will benefit me”? For me, those two phrases really hit home back then! It sounded so much more positive than what I was used to, and that’s why it appealed to me so much. I want to live in a way that benefits me as well, and not just others, because that, too, is God’s will for me. That’s why I’ve been focusing more on this lately: what’s good for me? For example, I’ve been meditating much more often, and I’m noticing its beneficial effects. Not just during the meditations themselves, but throughout the day as well. I’m calmer and sleep better, and I’m better able to stay connected to my inner self.
These days, therapy really works for me. Finding healing in my God, meditation, and some of the Twelve Steps do, too. In my experience, they have less of an effect on their own, but when combined, I find that they have a very powerful effect.
It’s that combination that makes all the difference for me. The combination of cycling in the summer sun, cooking healthy and having delicious food on my plate, taking loving actions for myself and others, of therapy and trauma processing, of learning to love myself and loving others in a healthy way, and doing what is right for both parties (and not just for them!), of carrying the message of recovery to others, of meditation, prayer, and growing through everything that goes well and not so well.
There are a thousand ways to make a stew, but isn't the most delicious stew the one with the greatest variety of ingredients? The one that has been simmering on the stove the longest, and has been given the time to let everything soak in, making the flavors stand out even better? Isn't it the stew that is shared with others, and perhaps even handed out to those who are hungry?
It is my prayer that we, as a society, can let go of dogmas. That we learn to look at where others are right, and that we can allow that to wash over us so we, too, can benefit from it. That once we are filled with Love ourselves, we can pass it on to others, so they can pass it on in turn, making the world a more beautiful place. No single method is right, and at the same time, they are all right. May we take what works for us, without judging how someone else does it. I have lessons to learn in this too, so this prayer is just as much for myself as it is for others. May we meet each other without judgment, and may we inspire and support one another.
Amen. (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself!)
