In my last blog post, I wrote about how I try to protect my own boundaries by building in enough rest and respecting my own needs as much as possible. I shared that this isn’t a "me against you" thing, but rather a "for me, and ultimately, for you too" approach. It’s an act of self-love and self-respect, and that’s why it matters.
Someone reached out to let me know that this isn't always so easy for everyone—that not everyone can just easily take a day off. Because what if you have a sick parent to care for, or a newborn baby? You can't just walk away from those responsibilities.
What this reader said is absolutely true. It’s also exactly what I tried to convey earlier in The Power Within. Just because something works for my life doesn't mean it works for someone else's. We all walk our own unique paths, and everyone has their own specific life circumstances. One is not better or worse than the other. I blog to grow my own roots deeper, but also to inspire others. To inspire, not to be copied.
I feel like I shouldn't let this opportunity slip by. This is a beautiful opening to share a few tiny ways to reset, because these small moments are at least as important as canceling or changing our plans. Sometimes we simply have obligations, and we just can't get out of them. That’s a fact. In my life, and probably in yours too. Sometimes we are tired, frustrated, agitated, or exhausted, but we still have that one appointment on our calendar. Those toddlers waking up at 6:00 AM, or that one meeting we can't skip. We have to put food on the table, children need to be cared for, and sometimes it all feels incredibly heavy. I am deeply aware of that. For a few years now, I’ve had the honor and pleasure of guiding several women on their paths (and they on mine!), and through them, I see every single day that other lives look completely different. It is partly because of this experience that I know resets are possible in those lives too. Every minute, or even every second, that we can grab to calm our nervous system is a massive help in those situations or seasons!
Speaking of the women who allow me to walk alongside them on their life journeys... Yesterday, one of them told me that at the start of every day, she plans out how and when she will take her moments to reset. She is a mom of two elementary school kids, which naturally comes with a lot of busyness, rushing, and scheduling. She told me that she gets up just a little bit earlier in the morning to drink a cup of tea in silence before the day begins. During that time, she also thinks about how and when she will find a moment of peace throughout the day. I thought that was so beautiful. Not waiting to find peace until we’ve already hit a breaking point, but actively trying to prevent it. Incredibly inspiring!
I’d love to share a few tools that I use myself during busy times, and that I pass along to others when they seem to need them. Time and again, I get feedback that people felt inspired by them, actually put them to use, and found that they really work. They don't take away the situation, but they do give the nervous system a quick moment to settle. And that often instantly changes a heavy situation into something manageable and scannable.
1. Calming (Background) Music
There is an incredible amount of relaxing music to be found on YouTube. I listen to it every single day myself. For a year now, major renovations have been going on right across the street from me. After a few hours, the noise of jackhammers and grinding saws really starts to take a heavy toll on my nervous system. It leaves me completely exhausted and overstimulated, and that noise is incredibly hard to block out. My noise-canceling headphones, combined with calming music, can work wonders then. I’ve shared this tip with others, and they do the same. Playing this music very softly in the background at home—which you can easily do with kids around, in fact, it’s ideal!—can make a world of difference. Everyone in the house seems to get calmer because of it. Of course, you can also do this in the car, when the baby is sleeping (great for both you and the baby!), or if you’re in a busy open-plan office and can no longer tolerate your colleagues' phone calls (that's what I did back then!). This music helps soothe the nervous system, making tough situations much more bearable. The situation doesn't change, but we change, and that changes everything.
2. Earplugs
Earplugs are another highly efficient way to block out overstimulation and calm yourself down. I know someone with a toddler and a preschooler who sleeps with earplugs every single night. They allow her to still hear the kids cry if they actually need her, but they block out every little sigh, cough, or sniffle throughout the night. As a result, she is a much better-rested mom for her children. Both she and the kids benefit way more from that in the morning than if she were to sleep without them. And why not? If it works for everyone involved, it seems like a great idea to me.
Personally, I sleep with earplugs every night to block out the awful noise of the highway outside. I live in a safe, nice neighborhood, and I am very happy about that, but the highway is incredibly close by and it disrupts me so much. For the first six months after I moved here, I tried to ignore that constant nightly hum of the highway, and I even tried to pray it away (praying that God would take away the fact that it bothered me so much). But in reality, it just left me constantly tired and wound up. Since I started sleeping with earplugs, I can truly enjoy hours of peace and deep sleep, which is exactly what I need to recover. I have a highway, someone else has a snoring partner, and someone else has coughing toddlers. But if this helps you find peace and handle life better the next day, then why not? Small actions can truly make a huge difference!
3. Coloring or Painting Coloring Pages
Not long ago, I was talking to someone who told me how angry she was with her husband, and how completely shaken up she felt over a conversation they had just had. I listened to her and let her share her story. While doing so, my only concern was how she could find her way back to peace within herself. Neither she nor I could change the situation with her husband, but what she could do was find safety and calm within herself. I asked if she had any hobbies or things that soothe her. I mentioned that it helps me to just use water-colors on a simple coloring page (it doesn't have to be a Picasso!), or to fill in pictures in a coloring book for adults. She said she could probably paint, but she wondered how meaningful it really was. "I might get five minutes of relaxation," she said, "but that doesn't change the situation, does it?" I told her she was right—it doesn't change the situation, but those five minutes of relaxation can make a world of difference. It’s about resetting the nervous system, not about the situation itself. She decided to give it a shot, and later she sent me an enthusiastic email with pictures of her paintings, sharing how much good it had done her! I was so incredibly happy for her, because that kind of experience is worth its weight in gold.
4. Guided Meditations on YouTube
Clearing an entire week or even a full day is impossible for most people. Yet, most of us do have a little bit of time in the evening, even if it’s just half an hour. In that half-hour, we can choose what we do: watch TV, scroll through Instagram, or perhaps do a meditation. If watching TV and using social media is what makes you feel incredibly zen, then you should absolutely keep doing that. Don't change a thing. Still, I hear from many people—especially young parents—that plopping down in front of the TV in the evening is the easiest thing to do, but they don't actually feel any better afterward. In fact, it's often quite the opposite. When they choose to use that same half-hour for a guided meditation, they feel completely different. Renewed, calmed down, and ready for a deep night's sleep. Personally, I find the guided meditations by Caroline McCready very soothing!
5. Taking Refuge in the Bathroom
One thing I was doing even ten years ago, back when I would completely spiral at family gatherings from all the stimulation, conversations, and noise, was to go and take refuge in the bathroom. It’s an absolute classic, of course. How many moms stay in there for an extra ten minutes every day simply because it’s the only moment they don't have to be available for their kids? It works. I used to do it at my job a few years ago too. Both the students and the instructors had a break in the middle of class, and as an instructor, I would spend the entire break sitting in the restroom. It was the only place where no one could start a conversation with me—neither students nor colleagues. It was a moment to pause, a moment to breathe. It was my time to reset. And then, ready to go again!
A few years ago, I read an interesting and inspiring book on this topic. Out of all the books I’ve read, this was probably one of the few that actually helped me. It’s called Strengthen Your Vagus Nerve (Versterk je nervus vagus), by Luc Swinnen (which hasn't been translated into English). Part of the book consists of accessible yet scientifically grounded information on how our nervous system works, and the other part offers concrete tips on how to calm that overstimulated nervous system. It’s the sequel to Activate Your Vagus Nerve, though I haven’t read that one myself.
Finally, I can’t help but share that asking others for help can also be an option. Not everyone finds it easy to ask family or friends for help—including myself. Back when I desperately needed help around the house, I didn’t dare to ask because I was afraid it would be too much for others. I didn’t want to disrupt their already busy lives, so I preferred not to ask. That’s why, at a certain point, I reached out to a professional home care service (Familiehulp). It’s a wonderful organization—I know someone who has been working there for years, and I can truly say it is a deeply caring company—that helps people in need. They offer maternity care, respite care for people with dementia or elderly folks who need assistance, and companionship for those struggling mentally or feeling vulnerable. They also provide cleaning services, home care aids to help with household chores, and more. A few years ago, when I was still crawling out of a deep mental valley, changing my bed sheets, going to the grocery store, or cooking my own meals was simply impossible. They helped me with all of those things, and I will always be grateful for that support. And because the rate was based on my income, it was actually affordable for me.
Aside from that, I was—and still am—receiving weekly therapy, which is just as much a form of help. I experience this as absolutely essential for learning how to deal with life's daily stresses, processing old pain, and letting go of behavioral patterns that no longer serve me. Asking for help isn't easy for me, but when I can financially compensate someone for it, it feels just a little bit easier. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who is going through a tough time, in whatever shape or form.
So, there you have it: my ways to reset, along with a few extra tips, because not everyone can just turn their entire life upside down. Hopefully, these tips can offer some inspiration and make heavy days feel just a little bit lighter. I wish you plenty of space: space to breathe, space to be yourself. To come home to yourself in the hustle and bustle of the day, and to step out of that fast-spinning hamster wheel that is called life. You are truly, truly, truly worth it. You really are.
