The Impact of Social Media

Social media has a huge impact on me. It actually unsettles me so much that it often turns my inner world into a whirlwind.A storm that never settles, a constant tugging, an endless disruption. It throws me so far off balance that I keep losing my emotional equilibrium, and with it, myself. It’s something I just can’t handle, even though a part of me often claims I can. What if I just limit myself more? What if I try harder? But the fact remains: it causes unrest, and I don't want it. Not anymore.

It’s been a long time now since I’ve used any social media, with the exception of Pinterest. I used to have it, but at a certain point, I decided to let it go. I banished both Facebook and Instagram from my life about six years ago, and WhatsApp a little over two years ago. Those apps were driving me insane. Not just because there is so much interaction on them and so many opinions and (half) lives being broadcasted and shared, but mostly because I felt how hard those apps were tugging at my inner self. Even when I wasn’t using them, they were using me. There was this near-constant stream of thought saying I might have a new message, or that I should check if this or that friend had posted photos yet, and so on. I experienced that "tugging at my soul" as deeply disruptive, so the apps had to go. In recent years, I only kept Signal and Telegram as alternatives to WhatsApp, but I finally deleted those six weeks ago as well. I felt the constantly gnawing restlessness, the anxiety, so in the end, I just deleted the apps. That turned out to be the right move, because it brought immediate inner peace. Thank God.

Last week I did something that wasn't like me at all. I didn't expect it from myself, and judging by the reactions of those around me, they didn't expect it either, but I installed Instagram. It was a pretty bizarre move, but my intentions were good: to bring Making Lemonade to a larger audience. However, after barely two days, it became crystal clear that this really wasn’t working for me. Even though I knew exactly what my boundaries were, and I actually stuck to them. I didn't scroll through the feed, I only posted when there was a new blog post, and in between, I blocked Instagram using an external app. For that, by the way, I used Lock Me Out, an app I’ve been using for years and can highly recommend. Yet, despite Lock Me Out, I felt just how much I craved opening Instagram. I couldn't do it—the app was blocked—but I was genuinely looking forward to the moment I could. I even started counting down the hours, and that’s when I knew: this isn't for me. I don't want this, and I can't do this. I cannot live with that restlessness.

And I know I’m not the only one. The impact of social media on our mental health has been proven time and again. And even if it hadn't been, it is glaringly obvious in our society. Apparently, there are more anxiety disorders and mental health issues among both youth and adults than ever before. On the website of the Belgian non-profit organization UilenSpiegel, I read this:
"UilenSpiegel was shaken awake twice in 2023 and 2024. A 2023 study by Zorgnet-Icuro exposes an open wound: there is an increase in psychological problems among young people, and at an increasingly younger age".

The article itself doesn't explicitly mention social media, but that was the very first thing that came to my mind! That’s probably because of a book I once read on the subject: The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. The book explores the effects of social media on children and adolescents. When I read it, my heart broke into a thousand pieces over and over again. The story that stuck with me the most, the one that shocked me deeply, was about "apps hidden from parents." It told the story of a teenage girl who suddenly started eating very little, became incredibly insecure, and thought she was too fat and too ugly. Her parents had no clue what was going on or where it was coming from. They were deeply involved in their child’s upbringing and were very selective about how much technology they allowed her to use. Her smartphone was checked every single day, so they were absolutely certain that Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media had no place in their daughter's life. But what turned out to be the case much later? The girl was bullied so severely at school for not having social media that, in order to emotionally survive in her peer group, she had secretly installed Instagram. The icon on her screen said it was a calculator, but Instagram was hidden right behind it! The parents had no idea, but they watched their child seriously deteriorate. The girl developed an eating disorder at a very young age, with all the terrible consequences that come with it.

The Anxious Generation is packed with stories like this. Stories about how peer pressure causes children—and often their parents too—to succumb. Like the story of a young boy who loved playing outside and genuinely enjoyed it, but was then bullied for it—already in elementary school!—because he was the only one without a PlayStation. The parents of the kids who did have one managed to convince the outdoor-loving boy’s parents to buy one too, so all the friends could game together. After that, those parents watched their son transform from an open, active, and curious child into a screaming child who only looked forward to his PlayStation and no longer found the rest of his life interesting. The parents meant well, but the peer pressure (from other parents, no less!) made them give in and completely changed their lives.

Fortunately, the book also offers alternatives. For instance, it notes that if you have a substantial group of families in a classroom who consciously push back against this (like a third of the class), you can already make a big difference. It shares stories of classrooms where parents and their children actually signed a charter promising not to buy a gaming console or smartphone that year. It also offers alternatives for teenagers and high schools, such as turning in phones at the beginning of the day and collecting them at the end. That way, the device isn't sitting in their backpack, and they don't feel it tugging at them during class, allowing them to focus with their full attention.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from the impact of smartphones. Young people—and so many, many others!—feel it too. Speaking of young people... that same non-profit, UilenSpiegel, developed a game with and for young people to talk about mental health issues. The game is called Mental Salad and can be downloaded for free in Dutch, English, and Portuguese. You can find the manual in English here, and the game cards here. Personally, I think the game looks really beautiful and interesting! The cards represent the individual ingredients of a salad; each one is just as important as the next, and together they give the salad—and thus your mental health—its flavor. The ingredients include things like rest, structure, nutrition, movement, resilience, gratitude, and humor, but also unexpectedly difficult situations, anxiety, peer pressure, negative thoughts, and so on.

It does my heart so much good to see that there is so much attention on youth mental health, and that talking about it has become increasingly normal in our society. Just a few days ago, a friend told me that she had taken her thirteen-year-old daughter to a child psychologist for the first time, because she needed it. Mental suffering is of all times—with or without smartphones!—but the fact that the taboo is fading, that it no longer has to be hidden away in the quiet corners of our homes or souls, truly fills my heart with joy!


If you have children or teenagers yourself and found this blog post helpful, if you’ve read The Anxious Generation, or if you’ve played Mental Salad with your teens, would you please let me know in the comments? I would absolutely love to hear from you! And if you know anyone who could benefit from this post, would you please share it with them? I truly hope this can help someone. Really, really, really. Mental suffering can be relieved, even in children, as long as we stay aware and keep talking about it together, no matter the age.