It’s the summer holidays, which means my weekly rhythm with my sister’s kids is completely jumbled up. Sometimes I don’t see them for a few weeks, and sometimes I see them multiple times a week, just like last week. Last week Thursday, we made a braid using macramé yarn, but on Monday, we did something even more fun: we made slime!
They were here the whole afternoon, which gave the three of us plenty of time to go out and buy all the supplies first, before rolling up our sleeves for the real work. To make slime, you actually need a few different things: crafting glue, baking soda, contact lens solution, food colouring, and glitter. First, you dump the crafting glue into a big bowl, add the baking soda, and then mix the food colouring through it. Once you have the perfect colour, you add the contact lens solution and glitter until the goo looks and feels exactly the way you want it to.
It has to be said: even though the kids each made their own slime (a green one and an orange one), they worked incredibly well together to pull it off. First it was my nephew's turn, and he wanted green slime. To make green, you obviously have to mix the primary colours blue and yellow until you get the right shade of green. My niece got to add the blue food colouring to his bowl, and while doing so, she spilled a few drops onto her fingers. She instantly panicked and said, "Oh no, Tata! Is that ever going to come off my fingers?!!". I told her that it would never come off and she’d have to walk around with blue fingers for the rest of her life—and if she ever wanted to get married, she’d have to marry a Smurf because blue women aren't allowed to marry non-Smurfs. That made her laugh, and she knew I was just kidding when I said it would stay on her fingers forever.
I took the bottle from her hands and handed her a dishcloth, and in doing so, the bottle ended up getting my own fingers completely covered in blue too. I cried out, "Oh no! Now I have to marry a Smurf too!". My nephew’s reaction was absolute gold: "Tata, as if you are ever going to marry anyone!".
Me: "Hey, watch it, you! Who says I’ll never get married? What if the perfect man walks by in a minute and says, 'Wow, that Nathalie is so cool, so funny and sweet, and so beautiful, I really want to marry her!' What then?!"
Both kids looked at me with a face that said, "Who are you? We don’t know this version of you! That’s not our Tata!"
Me: "If that man comes over and says that, I’ll tell him, 'That’s all well and good, but I don’t want a man, I love being on my own way too much! You can leave right away, bye!'"
The kids absolutely cracked up, in a way that said, "Hell yeah, that is our Tata!"
It was a fun and innocent little chat, but it really stuck with me. Because what happened to me that I can genuinely say and feel something like that? Healing—that’s what happened. Getting to know myself—that’s what happened. And being who God wants me to be—that’s what happened too.
I’ve actually been in relationships my entire life. My first relationship lasted four years, from the age of thirteen to seventeen. So I was still really young. My second—and last—relationship followed right after and lasted more than twelve years, until a few weeks before my thirtieth birthday. The idea of being single always terrified me. If I’m alone, will I still feel loved? Will I know which direction to take with my life and myself? Won’t I feel lonely? It was actually impossible for me to be single, until a certain point when I ended the relationship myself. I was done with it, and at that moment, I also felt the need to stay single for just a little while. I never could have guessed back then that now, more than six years later, I would still be single. And that I would enjoy it this much, not at all!
I continued our little chat with the kids: "Imagine if a man were living here! He’d want to sit on the couch with me, while half of the couch is covered in embroidery and crochet supplies! No way I’d move those aside. Maybe I should just buy him a second couch so he can sit over there all by himself." The kids almost peed their pants laughing, I can tell you that much. But beneath my joking lay a real truth: I am discovering myself more than I ever have in my life. Mostly by embroidering a lot, but also by crocheting or painting a little every day. By focusing on my relationship with God every single day and spending time with Him. A few days ago, I said it to someone: I don’t live alone, I live together with God. He is here every day, all day long. Together we sit on the couch, we do the dishes, the ironing, the laundry, and all the chores, and meanwhile, we talk. A two-way street. Just imagine if a third person were walking around here—would I really be able to pray this much? To find this much peace and develop myself? Maybe, maybe not.
I don’t know what God’s will for me will be tomorrow, but for today, it is crystal clear that it’s the single life. If things were to change tomorrow, I’d be open to it, but right now, I just don’t see that happening. I’m enjoying this way too much. And secretly, I love that the kids see me this way too: as their aunt who is happily and firmly grounded as a single woman. And that through this, they learn that everyone is ultimately allowed to walk their own unique path, and that it’s good just the way it is. Great!
