Blue Zones: Ikigai

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Ikigai—or having a purpose in life—is one of the nine lifestyle habits shared by the healthy centenarians of the Blue Zones. It sounds beautiful, logical, and even simple, but is it really?

Until I went into recovery, I never felt like I actually enjoyed living, or that I had anything to live for. I saw my life as something I was given, but never asked for. I tried to make the best of it, I just didn't know how. I always felt like there had to be an instruction manual for life somewhere out there, but I had never received it. Give me a complex IKEA wardrobe without the step-by-step booklet, and watch how I react. That was what life felt like to me. Doing my best, trying hard, having occasional successes, but ultimately ending up with three leftover planks and ten extra screws. How on earth did other people do it? I sought counsel from everyone, asked anyone and everyone for advice, and tried to follow it. In the end, I didn't know up from down anymore, and I ended up crying on the floor next to my metaphorically collapsed wardrobe.

In twelve-step recovery, I was given an instruction manual for life for the very first time, in the form of the Steps. In a nutshell, they show us how to first find God, then do some housecleaning from the inside out, and ultimately help others. Those first two are, of course, a prerequisite to doing the last one—to being able to help others. Because if I have no connection with my inner self, how can I pass anything on to someone else?

Passing on the message of recovery as a sponsor, getting to walk the path of life alongside a sponsee, does something to me as a human being. It gives me a sense of worth. It tells me that I am someone, that I possess something beautiful, and that I have something to pass on to others. My sponsees trust me and (some of them) love me. For me, those relationships are among the most beautiful gifts I have ever received in life. Walking alongside others for years does something to a person. Four or five nights a week, I have video calls with my sponsees, and it gives me something to look forward to almost every single night. I experience passing on the message of recovery as one of the reasons I am alive. Walking with others so they can get closer to their true selves—just as I am doing myself—is one of my reasons for being today, a reason that makes me happily jump out of bed (okay, stumble out of bed. Let's be honest!).

But there is more to it than just the Twelve Steps. They are a tool, but by no means everything. In therapy, I learn the things I don't learn there, like trauma processing and self-care. It is a vital part of recovery, and I notice how much it helps me grow. And while I was able to pass on the message of the Steps in meetings, I increasingly felt a need to share "the bigger recovery picture" with the world. It was at that moment that Making Lemonade was born. It was and is an answer to the desire to inspire others, to provide tools that bring people closer to their true selves. At this point in my life, Making Lemonade is my ikigai, my purpose. When I write, the world stands still. I can spend four hours writing, fine-tuning my pieces, translating, and publishing, only to realize that it's already past dinnertime and I have to grab a quick bite before an appointment, for instance. Doing things that put me in a state of flow is very important to me. No longer as an escape, or to forget, but to keep the stream of inner strength and energy moving. It is that flow that makes me feel alive! But a good feeling alone doesn't make it ikigai yet. For that, it also needs to serve others, and that is what Making Lemonade (hopefully!) does.

Creative hobbies create flow, and they make my life better. A few weeks ago, I started learning how to draw, and I notice how much good it does me. Here too, I’ll sit working on a drawing for three hours without looking up from my paper for even half a second. Then it suddenly turns out to be dark outside, while a second earlier it was broad daylight! Very bizarre, but also a lot of fun. When I wake up in the morning these days, I often think, "Yes, I’m going to blog today!" or "Ooh, I could try drawing this or that!" It’s fun, and it gives life more brightness than I ever thought possible.

Yet, I don't feel "like I've arrived" at my purpose just yet. After all, I am still only at the beginning of my recovery. Four years ago, I was officially diagnosed with PTSD, and that definitely happened for a reason. Doctors don't just hand out a diagnosis like that, as I’m realizing more and more. Recovering from trauma takes a vast amount of time and energy. I’ve only been in therapy for six years. I escaped a life I could no longer stay in, and there is no way (!) I will ever go back. I have worked hard to create a safe life with some quality of life, but trauma responses seem to happen more and more frequently, and I truly need a long time to recover from them. They take a lot of energy to process, leaving no room to do truly massive things right now. Having sponsees and blogging is the best I can do for now, and it is also more than enough. Passing on what is already inside me, and strengthening it in the process, is my major goal right now. But I feel the future holds more for me. What and when, I don’t know. I’m letting go of that. I am at peace with being at the beginning of my path right now, and already being able to witness some beautiful flowers here. But I also see that the path ahead contains hundreds of other flowers, even more colorful and larger than the ones I can see now. But because a person must first learn to crawl before they can walk, I’m leaving that part of the path ahead of me for just a little while longer. I don’t have to walk it right now, but I can look forward to the day that I will be able to. And that is when I will find my true purpose. I will feel it when it’s there, and know that what is here today only served to lead me toward it. But for today, I am incredibly grateful for what I have, for what is, and for the ways I can let the (creative) energy flow within myself and pass the message of recovery on to the world. I can no longer imagine a life without blogging. Being allowed to juggle words and build sentences every day is one of the most beautiful things there is to me. The fact that I get to combine that with inspiring others and reinforcing my own life in recovery truly feels like a blessing. So for today, Making Lemonade is absolutely my ikigai!

The healthy centenarians living in the Blue Zones might have grown that old "by accident," but the fact that they are still so healthy at that age is certainly no coincidence. It is a combination of different factors (the Power 9) that they practice their entire lives, not just all of a sudden once they’ve passed eighty. Personally, I really want to truly live today. No longer just breathing, walking around, and surviving, but living. Having a purpose in life, a reason to get out of bed, contributes to having a high quality of life. It creates good, powerful energy, and gives me the feeling that I am valuable, that I have something to offer the world, that I matter. That feeling is priceless, and it’s something I never knew before. It is the result of a quest, of trial and error, of daring to dip my toe into the cold water only to realize it is actually wonderfully warm and that I want to dive in with my entire body. To me, that is ikigai.


How is it for you? Do you have something that makes you happily jump out of bed every morning? Or do you experience life (for now) as a painful, ceaseless struggle? If so, my heart truly goes out to you. I've been there. But just as life had more in store for me (and definitely still will), the same is true for you. Look for the strength and energy within yourself. After all, it’s already in there, waiting and eager to be discovered and passed on to others. We need your mark on this world. You matter. Truly, deeply.