As you’ve known for a while now, I’ve been embroidering not only fabric on hoops but also my own clothes and tote bags for the past few months. And as challenging and fun as that is, there was a whole new challenge at first: the embroidery is now worn and then tossed around in the washing machine with lots of soap and water. That always caused a little panic inside me: will all my work be ruined, or will it still be intact? So I went on a quest and found a solution in the form of Vlieseline (Pellon in the US). It’s a stabilizer that you iron onto the back of your garment after embroidering, and that way your work stays intact, no matter what happens! It’s a great product, and I was (and still am!) very enthusiastic about it. Now I know for sure that my work is safe.
When I enthusiastically showed this to my therapist last week (because I was wearing one of “my own” T-shirts!) and was truly beaming with contentment (Thank God I don’t have a “let’s-dive-into-trauma” therapist—we actually talk about things like this!), the question that immediately came up was: What is my Vlieseline? What is it that keeps me grounded, stable, and centered when life throws me for a loop? Because even if we'd like to avoid it, there's no escaping it: sometimes life just gives us lemons. The death of a loved one (unfortunately something I've experienced all too often in recent years), fears about situations or relationships, painful memories, triggers, or trauma that resurfaces—it's all part of life. But either I get shaken up by it and lose myself (like embroidery stitches coming loose in the washing machine!), or I come through it unscathed. Of course, I’d much rather have the latter, so over the past week I’ve also answered that question for myself: what is my stabilizer?
I’ve come to the conclusion that my recovery strategies can be divided into three categories:
- Spirituality, faith, and the Twelve Step Program
- Good self-care
- Hobbies, interests, and activities
Spirituality, Faith, and the Twelve Step Program
When my life—or at least my emotional life—is difficult, the best thing I can do is alternate between praying, meditating, making phone calls to other members of the program, and attending meetings. The meetings are a way to pass on the message of recovery and, in doing so, to say aloud to myself: I am in recovery, I have something to offer to the world, and I am more than my emotions or circumstances. Sharing about this grounds me in myself. Prayer and meditation, on the other hand, are more of a comfort—a warm blanket I wrap around myself—and a way to receive guidance from my loving and almighty God.
Good Self-Care
When I was just starting my recovery—almost six years ago now—I was eating really unhealthily. I didn’t cook for myself because I didn’t think I was worth the effort of going through all those steps. A pizza or lasagna in the oven was quick, easy, and cheap. It never made me feel any better—quite the opposite—but I did it anyway. Four years ago, I turned things around and started chopping fresh vegetables and cooking meat for myself every day, and I gave up snacking. Those snacks only took me further away from myself and God, because they offered a quick fix, not lasting happiness (or a feeling of fullness!). Today I eat plenty of healthy food, and that structure—along with the message to myself that I’m worth it—helps me stay firmly grounded when life gets a little rocky. Going to bed on time (no later than 11 p.m.) and getting up at a reasonable hour in the morning (no later than 8 a.m.) also provide routine and stability. Perfect stabilizers, in other words.
Hobbies, Interests, and Activities
In recent years, I’ve really focused on the journey of discovering who I am, what my talents are, and what helps me relax. I wrote about this before in Living a Fulfilling Life. What remains a major challenge for me is getting outside enough. I do a lot of things, from embroidery and crocheting to painting and cooking, but I do them all in the safety and quiet of my own apartment. The only things I really do on my own outside the home are going to the thrift shop or running errands, but of course, you can't do those every day. I realize that this isn't good for me. Still, I want to be gentle with myself about this: I've tried, and the world is simply too loud and overwhelming for me. It’s not easy, especially when you know that at home it’s dead quiet—and therefore a real pleasure. Still, because of that, I spend too much time within my four walls. I’m well aware of that. Fortunately, I now have a solution: my Loop earplugs! Amazing earplugs that really do block out an incredible amount of noise. And that truly opens up new possibilities!
I've talked to others about this today, and other people in recovery seemed to be focusing on this as well: getting outside is important. Whether it’s attending a meeting via the phone in a park or a bar, going to the market in the morning, or simply blogging from somewhere else—it gives you a sense of a rich life, and you’re alone without really being alone. That’s why I decided to put my money where my mouth is and so I escaped my 32°C (90°F) apartment to come write this blog post at the IKEA restaurant ! Perfect: AC (!), people around me (thank God for those Loop earplugs! ), sparkling water for one and a half euros that you can refill as much as you want, restrooms, and Wi-Fi. Check! I feel much more social and younger now than if I were sitting at home doing the same thing alone. It definitely feels good!
It’s definitely opening up some possibilities for the upcoming vacation. Just last night, I was still really anxious about this… July and August are traditionally pretty lonely months for me. The people I usually surround myself with—my family—are often on vacation then, and my whole routine really does fall apart. Sometimes I don’t see anyone for a whole week, and that isn’t always easy. Last summer I really struggled with that, and yesterday, when the fear of a repeat of previous summers threatened to overwhelm me again, I knew: I have to take action. I am not a plaything of fate! That’s why I made a list of things I could do, such as visiting the lively international Protestant church in my neighborhood again on Sunday, going to the market (there are plenty nearby!), and going on (short) bike rides and walks. By talking about this with others—and letting God speak to me through them—I’m now much less anxious about the summer. I now see it as an opportunity to get to know myself better, discover new places, and enjoy playing tourist in my own region. And after that, after all those stimuli and impulses? Back home, comfortably embroidering alone in my own chair!
